Thursday, August 30, 2007

Running Diary: The Pick Up Artist

I decided to keep a running track of the debut episode of The Pick Up Artist on VH1. Off the bat, this could be as historic a show as Tommy Lee Goes To College. Needless to say, I'm giddy.

As a brief overview, The Pick Up Artist is about a group of men who have no skills with women. To help them with this ailment, they are turning to Mystery a master pick up artist. He is accompanied by his two prize pupils J-Dog and Matador. Which immediately got me thinking about my master pick up artist name. I'll have something before the show is over.

As a quick run down of the guys, I'm betting on Brady becoming the master pick-up artist of the group. His problem seems to be confidence, which can be easily remedied. The old man, the Indian guy, and the guy that is confused for being gay have no shot. Scott the stutterer may be the dark horse.

The guys are now in speedos and swimming for some reason. This is upsetting, and it is quickly challenging the level of this show off the bat. I may have made a bad call. I would have gone with Rodeo as my pick-up artist name, but it's already taken by the chick on Rock of Love. The Asian guy is acting Asian. It's times like that I'm glad I have that half-German blood in me.

So know, as their first mission (?) whatever the hell it is they have to go into a bar and hit on women while Mystery watches on. Quite a daunting task seeing as I hate approaching women at bars because if they're attractive, then they automatically think I'm hitting on them, when I may not be.

I'm thinking Mystery is full of shit. Yet, he has a little Joey Greco going for him, which is nice.

We're told there are no actors in the crowd. Riight. I'm liking the little blurbs under the guy's names. I think mine would be like:

Rob, 23
high standards, trouble with introductions

So far the guys are blowing. It's painful to watch. Gotta feel for those guys. Girls are evil. J-Dog seems frustrated. Scott just totally blew in like a tornado introducing names and then going straight with the number inquiry. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Girls are rejecting guys and going to the bathroom. Probably to confer with Satan.

Old man just asked about Katrina. Stellar. Wonder if he's met Chris Hansen.

I don't get this Alvaro guy. He's from Miami and he's a boxer. He could be a ringer. His hispanic blowout isn't helping things.

Matador is getting pretty pushy. The Asian guy is painful to watch. Good God, even I wouldn't blame the girls for going to the bathroom.

Thank God that is all over. Here's a Mystery pep-talk. Uh-oh, Mystery is going in. Here comes a shitshow. I can't even begin to register in my brain the amount of editing and fake actors in the bar to get the highlights we're about to see. If I ever met a woman that went for a guy named J-Dog or a guy that has goggles on his head, then I'd be surprised. Really, really surprised.

How about Harp? That's not too bad. Kind of feminine I suppose. Harpoon? Eh.

J-Dog isn't hitting on girls as much as he is playing the gay guy role.

I am likeing The Detective as my master pick up artist name. It's authoritative, demands respect, and is macho. That could be a winner.

Oh, next episode the lessons begin. I'm feeling the three main components are:
1. Continually asking the girl to buy you a drink.
2. Keep rejecting the girl. She'll come back.
3. Get a progressively more ridiculous wardrobe.

Dalliance. Done and done.

No comments: